Bindi : The Mark of a Woman OR a "Marked" Woman


In those days.. 

As any other girl from a normal middle class family, I never paid much attention to the practice of women and bindis, it was one of those things that you take for granted.. just there, integral and accepted. As far as i remember almost all women of ma's generation wore it in those days. That included most of the aunties in the neighborhood, my friends' mothers, my relatives, most of my teachers (who did not happen to be Christians or Muslims), female vendors or possibly just any woman you came across.

As I saw it then.. 

I think I always knew the underlying practice and its significance, I don't really know or remember the source of my knowledge, it could have been books, serials, movies or just chance talk. I think being part of an age, society and culture there are certain things that you just get to know.

- It was worn by married Hindu women of all age (though I am yet to come across any scripture or tenet prescribing that)
- It was not worn by women of other faith (Christians and Muslims)
- Hindu women in Kashmir were afraid to wear bindis for the fear of muslim extremists
- It was not worn by widows (infact I remember having seen some very dramatic scenes in movies and serials where the inconsiderate relatives smudge off the bindi from the forehead of the grieving wife at the first news of her husband's demise)
But this was increasingly regarded as crude and ignorant and there were more and more people ignoring this practice and subscribing to its obsolescence even in those days.

My Family Practice...

Having spoken about the ubiquity of this ever present dot.. let me clarify that in my family there was no fuss compulsion or taboo about the presence or absence of bindi on my ma's forehead. To my understanding she wore one when she felt like, she did not wear one when she felt otherwise. And I do NOT remember even a single incident when it bothered my father either way. It could have been their Arya Samajist thinking .. partly their education and mostly their rationality. But that is what it was...a "non-issue".

But yeah i remember in passing when some old women checked ma occasionally for the bindi and she obliged respectfully once in a while.. as far as I think it was out of regard for the old woman than any specific belief on her part.

Winds of Change...

As we grew up and times changed we would see many educated women without bindis and it was no big deal, it started becoming a matter of choice, an accessory, which like any other you could wear if you thought went with your look  or the occasion or your mood .. 

Non Issue >> Issue.. 

It was only recently that for the first time in life, "bindi" became an issue for me. When as per the traditions I was asked to wear one, and my not wearing one would offend others.

What would people say? What would they think? It is a bad omen... married women are supposed to wear bindis... and that too >/= greater than a certain size ..

Something that was so trivial for me for as long as I could remember became a moot point. Ordinarily I may not mind wearing one, once in a while. But when it was introduced as a rule .. i was supposed to follow.. in the true spirit of my upbringing and education, I started to question ... WHY?

I have been taught, a lot of practices are introduced in the society because of specific reasons and circumstances.. over a period of time .. people tend to forget the reasons and just concentrate on the practice .. and it becomes a rule.. to be imposed on the lesser mortals

Wikipedia says...

this made me go back and read up a little (only that much I admit) .. and I realized this practice arises from the belief ..

"that the area between the eyebrows (where the bindi is placed) is said to be the sixth chakra, ajna, the seat of concealed wisdom. The bindi is said to retain energy and strengthen concentration." 

hmmm Okay

"In the Vedic times.. the bindi was created as a means to worship one's intellect. Therefore it was used by both men and women. A mark of honour and respect."

Yeah, that too strikes a chord.. I have often seen learned scholars and spiritual men with "Tilak"

My Argument...

But I am sure when a married woman is forced to wear something against her will in the name of omen and other people's opinion... the last thing on anyone's mind is respect for her intellect or honor for her being.

But when did a respectful "Tilak" become a forced "bindi" .. I have no way to know.. 

So I assume...

In some past century it was decided by the society (men??) to distinguish women.. on their marital status... to prevent advances of other men?? ... a symbol to tell other men leave them alone.. ???

Why was there a need to know that a woman was married or single and why she couldnt be trusted to communicate that information to others .. as was assumed in the case of men I suppose... (because I see no man ever wearing anything to mark or show his marital status.. please dont say a ring.. its a western adaptation)

My Rationale...

Even if there were .. I think times change, requirements change..  and people should change too. So, If it has been any of these reasons.. I am sure like all other women in today's day and age ..  I can handle the advances of other men.. speak for myself .. and if need be communicate my marital status as well as any man could.

If its a mere accessory ..for the sake of argument.. I as an individual can very well decide how i want to accessorize myself. 

If its out of respect for other people .. I am sure there are much better ways to do that.

I am an independent and educated woman, with the wisdom to make a choice and a will to follow it.

So, Thank You but No, Thank You!